The most recent season of NBC’s Biggest Loser just ended. Rather than waiting for next season, viewing audiences can watch a rip-off of the show right now. The new show, The Biggest Loser: American Consumers, features real Americans who have lost their financial security due to the current economic meltdown.
In the real Biggest Loser contestants vie to see who can lose the most weight, but in the American Consumer version the contestants have already lost their money.
The real Biggest Loser season always begins with contestants’ previous unhealthy diet and lifestyles being replaced with healthy foods and reduced portion sizes. The American Consumer version is the same. Instead of being force feed diets of huge portions of subprime mortgages, mortgage-backed securities, credit default swaps and predatory loans that were sautéed in a reduction of regulatory oversight sauce and served with a side of wilted consumer protection laws, consumers will receive solid financial products garnished with pro-consumer policies. They’ll even get dessert – a sundae bar from which the consumers can create their own sundaes of jobs, savings, investments and retirement accounts, complete with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
While real Biggest Loser contestants are forced to endure grueling, back-breaking, marathon workout sessions designed by their trainers, American consumer contestants will be the ones conducting “workout sessions.” During these workout sessions, or interrogations, the contestants will question the financial regulators, such as the Federal Reserve Board, the Office of the Comptroller of Currency, the Office of Thrift Supervision, the Federal Finance Agency, and the Securities and Exchange Commission, whose job it was to ensure consumer protections. Instead of the contestants being kicked off because they are below the yellow line in weight loss, regulators who failed to do their consumer protection duties will be eliminated each week.
Since we already know that none of the regulators actually protected consumers, and therefore will be kicked off, the last few shows will be special episodes. The most anticipated of these final episodes is the “Financial Products Safety Commission.” In this special episode the American consumers get to create a plan for a new federal agency committed to ensuring that the financial system places people before profits. Viewers call-in votes, rallies, support letters and voices will help determine the winning plan. Numerous guest stars are already scheduled to appear including: Elizabeth Warren, the chair of the TARP task force who first noted that Americans toasters have more consumer protections than their mortgages; Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin who already drafted proposed legislation that would create such a financial product safety commission; and a myriad of former bankers singing “Bye Bye American Pie.”
At the end of this star studded spectacular finale, the Biggest Loser: American Consumer’s grand prize will be awarded: financial stability for all Americans.
So check your local TV listings and don’t miss an episode of what will be the most exciting reality TV series yet.